How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

Hello! Today we are going to layout the basic plan to get back your ex girlfriend back (yes there’s a plan, have you ever done something time consuming without a plan?). First off, I would like you right now (YES RIGHT NOW) to ask yourself “Why did my girlfriend break up with me?”  I bet you a million dollars what you just told yourself was a bunch of mumbo jumbo she made up huh?  The reason she left you is simply because she began to feel un-attracted to you.  The reason she began to feel un-attracted to you was because you stopped displaying the attractive traits I have outlined in previous posts [How to attract women].  Did you feel your girlfriend becoming more and more dominant towards the end of your relationship?  It is because you stopped showing the attractive traits that she first saw; when you first took her breathe away.  Oh and by the way pat yourself on the back.  Your girlfriend was attracted to you on a strong physiological basis. Which tells me that getting her back, given you follow my plan, is going to be easier than you may think.

The One and Only Rule You Must Follow


Step one:

Block All Communication

–  Yes.  Don’t call her, don’t beg, don’t cry to her.. all your doing is pushing her away even farther. 

–         If she is calling you, tell her you need space. “It hurts to much to talk to you” usually works fine. 

–         You must absolutely follow rule #1 or else getting her back will be incredibly hard

–         The reason rule #1 works so well is because when you do not contact her you are showing her that you are better without her.  You’re displaying a trait that shows you’re a strong man which she is attracted to.  Girls want the boyfriends that get over them faster than they do… makes no sense right?  Trust me I know. 

Step Two:

Gather Up All Her Stuff

          –  Gather every single object, physical things, clothes, posters, and blankets, anything you can touch that reminds you of your girlfriend. 

          –  Put her things in a box.  Leave it with a close friend, don’t let it be close to you in anyway because I really don’t want you going to the box and crying over her old things. 

Step Three:

Get your Confidence UPPPPPP

          –  Go out and give yourself a completely new look; New haircut, new clothes, new cologne, new shoes, a new damn you. 

         –  I really don’t care what you do to yourself; just make sure you look amazing. 

          –  Get a membership to a gym or go running.  You need to workout; it sends chemicals around your body that actually make you feel good

Step Four:

Go on dates

          –  Yes, in order to get your girlfriend back you need to first rid yourself of all of those characteristics which are bad [ Insecurity Category]. 

          –  You need to learn how to lead again.  You need to get back the you that you were when she first met you, that confident, leading, mature, masculine man. 

         –  To do this, you need to study “How to attract women”.  Then you need to follow all of the steps to their fullest.  Go on these dates to get your confidence up.  It doesn’t matter if it’s not going to be a real thing, you will be feeling much better about yourself. 

Step Five:

Let her come to you. 

          –  She will likely call you asking you to give the relationship another chance after you follow these steps


Attention:  This is a general guide.  If you have any specific questions go ahead and comment them.  I do not mind helping you in anyway. 

– Aidan

43 comments on “How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

  1. nathan says:

    ok this woman i was talking to that i met online (sounds crazy but we fell in love and i know for a fact she is real is who she says she is) got a brain tumor about 5 months since we started talking. she was in the hospital for 7 months and woke up different times not remembering anyone or anything tho we still emailed each other. she did survive this was released and could remember who i was and told me she loved me. then she i dont hear from her for 3 weeks then her friend tells me she is getting back with her ex(which she told me he hit her ,cheated on her,made her miscarraige,very controlling and abusive) she knows what he done to her from her friends telling her but she doesnt actually remembr after having a tumor. she then told me i need to let her go and says she is sorry but said she does love me. so i understand in a way but yet i dont see how she can do this to me after waiting for her a year. and how she can even look at him knowing what he done to her. she is a smart and sweet and pretty woman. also she is 29. its been 2 months since and we havent had any contact. i still love her very much and want to wait for her since i dont see how it will ever work out and she has 3 kids now that she got custody of because her sister died a year ago. its a messed up situation i know but if anyone has some good advice it would be you right? thanks for any help on what to do

    • Okay I know you probably do not want to hear this but any women that goes back to a crazy ex boyfriend is not healthy. However I know it’s hard to walk away from something you love, even if you are so much better off without them. I went back to my ex i’m with now 4 times (love makes you do crazy things). Since you probably are not going to walk away here is what i recommend you to do. Since you have had no contact for 2 months it is safe to call her up or email her. Now you need to just say hello or how are you ? or how have you been. You need to approach her as if she is an old friend; strictly platonic. Make sure you say “I think the break-up was best for the both of us but i don’t want to lose a friednship”. It allows you to slide in under her radar by being “a friend”. Now from here, you need to just be patient. She may still be with her boy and if she is you just need to be patient. Ask her how things are going, be there for her (DON’T BE A DOORMAT). You have to wait until this guy messes up again which he will.. i know it already. If he does mess up she will be emailing you daily once again. If she isn’t with him anymore all you have to do is be frindly and she will probably bring up the relationship or something to try and get you back.

      TIP: Do not bring up the relationship what so ever (unless she does).
      TIP: Remain cool calm and collective. If she is with the other guy you need to act as if your happy for her, i know it will hurt but if you want her back this is what you need to do.

      If you would like i can walk you step by step through this process.

      Complete step one and then email me at

      Step one: Email her (or contact her in anyway) strictly acting as a friend. Say what i said above in “”‘s as well as some other stuff to give it your personal twist. Remember act strictly platonic and remain calm.

      • nathan says:

        Thanks so much for all that! I know she isnt thinking right since she just survived a brain tumor. When she woke up she told me she loved me and wanted to see me and i do believe her. i told her she needed some time get get well before we meet and she understood. we still talked for a couple weeks until her ex came back then its like she was a completely dif. person. she knows she broke my heart and its like she dont even care,idk but she was always very sweet and talked to me everyday. so now idk whats going on since she hasnt said a word or even seems to care how i am. do u think she could be testing me to see how much i really do love her or what could she be thinking? i know she loves me but why would she do this even tho she did have a brain tumor which could have some bad affect on her judgement. thanks for taking time for my situation and your awesome advice!

  2. Rafael says:

    Should I try to get my girlfriend back after she broke up with me for another guy?

    my GF and I broke up a little more then a month ago. we’ve been going out for 4 year, but she decided to end the relationship over the phone. From that phone conversation. she only told me that she needed some time off. I tried to call her the a week to see if we can talk in person, but she never reply. I decided to write her an email to put a closure for myself. The next day I found out that she updated her facebook that she was in a new relationship(A week and half later after our break up). two weeks went by and she sent me an email explain what happened. On this email she didn’t mention that she was with someone, She just said that the reason she wanted to end the relationship was because she didn’t have “spark” for me anymore. she didn’t when this happened, but she will always be thankful for all the good things I did for her and that she wanted to be friends. I contacted one of her friend to see if I can find more info and Accounting to her friend. She met this new guy at work a couple of months before our break up, but nothing happened during that time. Til a week or two before our break up, he contacted her asking her out and that gave her the push she needed to end our relationship) On the same email she sent me. she said that she never cheated on me, but I have difficulties believing that. Do you guys think this is new guy is rebound relationships and is it worth to try to get back with her. I feel that I’m moving on, but part of me still miss her and wants to be with her. Please help.

    • by that spark she means she became un-attracted to you. I want you to really think hard right now about the last month you and her were officially together. Did you feel her kinda of pushing you away? Did you feel something was wrong but she didn’t tell you? Lastly, did you feel her becoming more dominant in the relationship? 4 years is a very long time and I definitely understand what it is like to be left for someone else (however in my situation my girl came running back). I need to know more about your relationship and how it ended to determine if you can get her back.

      What you need to do.

      For one thing you need to completely stop talking to her. You need to follow the steps that I have outlined because even though your not saying this to me I know for a fact your very upset. The only reason she is going out with this guy is because he is new. He is not better than you.

      1.) do things to make you feel better
      2.) go on dates and make sure that your ex finds out about them… (FACEBOOK)[follow the rules].
      3.) just sit tight, try not to think about her. In fact force yourself to think about a more attractive women.

      You need to get over her before you can actually get her back.

      key factor: DO NOT LOOK AT HER FACEBOOK PAGE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES… all that is going to do is hurt you more.

  3. Dude says:

    Maybe you can shed some light on my problem.

    My ex basically went out of town for 2 months for work. I had family visiting, my grandma had passed away a month before and I wasn’t too healthy. Anyways I basically didn’t talk to her that much, there was maybe even a week where I didn’t contact her on msn or call as much. We texted quite a bit, then family visiting us leave and I talk to her on msn. She basically says she doesn’t feel the same way and wants us to break up. She was staying in a house with 4-5 other people renting and one of the guys she didn’t like at all, she became close with as friends. But she then told me she needs space and what not and I as a common mistake panicked and texted non stop and cried and what not.

    I gave her 2-3 days of space at a time thinking I would lose her to this guy if I took away all contact. The week she was supposed to get back was the week of our anniversary, sadly I forgot the date… that pissed her off even more. Next thing I know shes back and I text her the next day, where she says she wont meet me in person. I pressure her too and next thing I know she tells me shes with someone else now and how he treats her better than I ever did and all this stuff of how she will marry this guy next year, yet me and her have been going out for 3 yrs at this point.

    She did at the end say she was with no one and just wants me to move on. I’ve never seen her so angry or cold towards me ever. We have had fights, but mostly on MSN or text, but when we meet in person we always resolved them and just had fun in person. This is the first time shes avoiding me in person.

    It’s now been almost a month and we have not talked at all. I decided to go NC, and after the fight she did block me on facebook. She also fought with my sister on the phone and text, since she promised my sister she would always talk to her even if we broke up. But that didn’t happen, as well as I made a stupid comment about her cheating on me on FB and I think that made her block me.

    I recently saw her on MSN maybe 3-4 days ago, I was online she comes online for 1-2 mins. My heart was pumping I thought she would say something, but she didn’t and then went off. As far as I can tell from MSN’s options she has not deleted me off her msn contacts list. It’s possible she blocked me though on it, but I’m still on her list. I just found it odd, that she blocks me on FB, but after 3 weeks comes on msn? Was it to test me to see if I would message her? Or to put it in my face that shes around still?

    • A lot of very common things have taken place for reasons that may shock you. Your first mistake was, as you know, freaking out about the relationship and losing her and blah blah blah. What it did was made her respect you less which is why she is treating you like dirt. She does not want to see you in person because she knows if she sees you in person she will fall. After she blocked you on fb and you saw her on msn did you talk to her at all during those three weeks? Right now she is doing this because she wants to look sane.. she doesn’t want to cry and beg for you back. After 3 weeks of NO CONTACT whatsoever she reaches the peak of loneliness. You read the situation correctly though, she is indeed testing you. She misses you a lot but women are too stubborn to show it.

      • Dude says:

        Thanks for your reply.

        Basically I have not talked to her in 30 days as as of today. So today is offically 30 days since we last talked.I think it’s almost been 4-5 weeks. Is that a bad sign? that means around week 3 she came on msn. Does that mean the PEEK time is over now? After the msn thing I still didn’t talk to her. I do know that since that day she has NOT come back on msn. I’m usually online at night, and I haven’t seen her.

        Also to add, I don’t think she has deleted or blocked me on MSN messenger. Not sure why? I guess maybe in the heat of the fight she blocked me on FB because of anger. THough I “hope” that after 30 days her anger stage is gone. I do know she can be very stubborn and have a big ego. Which is why I don’t know if she will be the one to contact me. Normally in our relationship when we fought it was always her trying to fix it. Or atleast thats what she used to always tell me. Is that she always keeps coming back to me or keeps trying to resolve things. I won’t say it’s fully true, but that’s how she feels and I now I would agree.

        I’m just wondering if I will need to be the one to make contact? She left me though, and in some ways I don’t want to show up as needy or as if she made the right decision. But at the same time I don’t know if she will make a push to talk or not. I’m still afraid she is going to be cold or hurtful towards me. I’m in a calm state now, 3 days has given me time to really think about things. I have no hate towards her regardless if she moved on to another guy or not.

        I do know a story of her sister, about a year ago she was supposed to get married. Her boyfriend said some insulting and rude things to her parents. Wedding breaks off her sister doesn’t talk to the bf and things end. Then her sister decides to move out of the parents house gets her own apartment. I’d say another month and she starts talking to her bf. My ex told me her sis realized that she loved this guy still and thats why she took him back regardless of her family hating the guy. I told my ex that story about her sis to remind her that we could work it out like them.. but my ex was not in a state to listen. This was when I was pestering her while she wanted space.

        Anyways I’m been contemplating writing an email, and seeing if she wants to go for some coffee. I don’t know what else to say or do. I have people telling me I should wait for her to contact me. Or that if I do it she will get the upper hand and the satisfcation that she made the right choice by leaving me. It’s a hard decision, because if it’s something cold again.. it may or may not hurt depending on how much I have healed in the last 30 days.

      • Dude says:

        I guess I should addon now.

        I finally emailed her about 30+ days of going NC. She never contacted me and I didn’t want to call or text. I sent a good long email talking about our memories, how I didn’t like how hatefully it ended since we had such great moments. I went over respecting her wishes to move on and well I said she doesn’t have to reply back.

        After that I hope she reads it, but there is a chance she might just delete it. I kinda have gone back in the dark. I had an urge to text and ask if she read my email, but I don’t know. I thought it would be better to email, hopefully she reads it and digests it all over this weekend. But I don’t know… I still dont know if shes mad at me or what.

        I just dont quite understand how someone throws 3 years away in a matter of 3 weeks. All the special things she did.. feels like she faked it all. Like faked liking my family and all. It just brings a anger inside of me. If she wanted to leave me why put on a show then? Maybe she did find someone else, who knows but im tired of it all.

        It;s like im in the middle i cant move on but yet I wont get her back it feels. I woulda thought by a month she wouldve contacted me. We have fought before but within a few days to a max of a week we met and talked and resolved it. This is the first time she has not made the effort to contact me and resolve things. And when I did contact her on the day we fought and stopped talking, she just said “I’m not yours anymore”. Almost like she had decided she was done and will not go back on her decision.

  4. Mike says:

    Thank you. Very insightful post. What would you suggest for a case where the attraction isn’t the main concern, but someone cheated or broke trust? Surely it would take more than eliminating that “bad trait”. ?

    • If a women cheats on you, you ABSOLUTELY NEED TO DROP HER. I cannot stress enough. There is no way around it if you take a women back after she cheats she all of a sudden makes the connection “OH i can do this again and he won’t care”. WRONG. Your absolutely right it takes a lot more than just elimating that trait you need to drop her and make her earn her spot next to you. It is the only way…

  5. Terrel says:

    Hi am terrel from nassau bahamas i am in a long distance relationship she is in new jersey i live in the bahamas a few mouth ago she told me i must tell her the true about something i didnt do she thing think that am sleepn with all kinda woman on her and she allown my cuz to tell her a bunch off lies and she belive him so she told me she cant be eith me unlesss i tell her the true etc tell me what u think that u

  6. mike hunt says:

    We’ve been broken up about 1 month after over a year together and things were okay between us, still seeing each other, hooking up and her saying how much she misses and loves me but now she’s blocked me on facebook. Is this one definitely over and do i need to move on?

    • HAHAHA wow really? So your hooking up and then she blocks you? Was there some kind of fight or did she tell you she needs space or what?

      What you should do; BE CHILL. Sure she blocked you, but why should you care? Your not together right? Act cool calm and collective at all times when dealing with women. And if the hooking has stopped because of what happened or it stopped when she blocked you.. trust me the hooking up will continue in a few days I give it. Moving on is ultimately up to you. If you do not want to be with her at all you need to tell her so. Fucking her is probably confusing her… 🙂

  7. gabby says:

    i was with my gf for 2 months and we were falling in love with each other, we had couple of silly fights and i decide that we should break up, but then i regret my decision and tried to fix things up but she insisted on the break up. i tried to talk to her and convince her to get back and discuss the problems, but she considered me that i didnt forget the problems and i keep repeating things which annoyed her, but what i was doing is just explaining what happened from the begining in order to solve the cause of these problems. but this all didnt work. i followed the no contact rule for 3 weeks. within these 3 weeks, after 10 days of the break up, she removed me from her blackberry messenger but kept me on facebook and whatsapp. after 3 weeks i sent her some flowers and a letter which says am sorry, but when she received them, she blocked me on whatsapp and deactivated her facebook, knowing that i wasnt using any of the social media to contact her. i sent her a message to her mobile which says am sorry …. but she didnt reply and refuses to answer my calls…. knowing that we live in different countries, how can i get her back??

  8. Tom says:

    Well my girlfriend broke up with me because of a small fight, We started opening old themes and she was like ” Im Unhappy i dont wanna fight more ” and she started talking about breakup
    Also she is in her period, she told me she loves me but she cant handle the ”Distance” and the ‘Fights” I was begging her yesterday to come back with me but she just cried and hangedup
    She was like ” i wanna be alone ” ” leave me alone i wont be with nobody ”
    Everytime she said bad stuff to me i told her i love you and then she hangedup, now i think we broke up and i need to know what to do, what to say now?

    • Welcome, my friend, to the confusing world of the female psyche. What should you do next you ask? Do exactly what she said; leaver her alone. The reason you are feeling distraught is simply because of the push/pull theory. She is pushing you away, which in turn, makes you want to pull her in, however; the more you try and pull her in the harder she will push you away. Give her some space, just like she said to, and she will come running back to you. In this case you do not need to follow the guide to get your ex back, because that guide is for people who are royally fucked, and have embarrassed themselves to the ex’s beyond belief. Follow the “no contact
      ” rule and wait for her to contact you. DO NOT PUT YOUR LIFE ON HOLD FOR A WOMEN EVER. Continue living as you normally would, although I know from experience this can be hard. Just fight through the pain, and be patient. If you do not contact her she will contact you, trust me. Let her lead the conversation when she does, and make sure that you are the first to hang up! Just say you have prior commitments.

      Good luck,

      • Dude says:

        To be honest man.. I wish I had followed the guide a bit more. I gave my ex some space and then when she got back into town I bugged her to see me since I felt I had given her enough space. I kinda wish I had just not said anything to her and waited longer.

        At this point in time I think we probably are done forever. She told me that She hates me and regrets meeting me and wishes she could go back in time and erase me from the 1st day we met. She told me it’s over and to have some self respect and move on. This all happened after I sent her stuff to her house. Unfortunately her parents open it all and I guess didn’t know about me so she got in shit for it.

        The sad part is we haven’t seen each other in 6 months and been NC for about 2 now. I just started a new school and she goes there too I already knew this.. but my program is ONLY taught at her school. So on the first day of classes I ran into her and was shocked. I didn’t know what to do or what to say so I just walked passed her while she was sitting talking to a classmate. We did make eye contact for a second and she turned away quickly. So I guess she knows I’m at her school now. But yeah so far she has never contacted me and I guess she really wants to move on.

        I’m trying to move on too slowly finding a new career and all. I guess the next 4 months I have a high chance of running into her.

        BTW I just found out I have another class that’s online. Apparently I have 2 partners as we have group projects and maybe this is gods sign or something. But BOTH my partners are girls and BOTH are from the same program and day classes as my ex. Is this a good thing? I mean I was thinking what if my ex saw me hanging with new girls and crazy enough girls she knows from her classes. It would mean she would SEE me with them and think how the hell does he know them etc,…

  9. Wilson says:

    Hello. I was in a relationship for almost 2 years. Off and on a few different times. Anyways I broke up with her 6 months ago. No big deal then all of a sudden it hit me when she wouldn’t get back together with me. I was heartbroken. I tried, tried and tried to get her back. Flowers, notes, gifts, you name it but I couldn’t even get a dinner date. Well after about 2 months ago she randomly called me and invited me over. I spent the night and it appeared she wanted to try this again. We were pretty much back together for the next month and a half- but we were never the boyfriend/girlfriend title yet. I thought things were going toward that direction as we were getting along great. All of a sudden things completely flip flopped. She limited the talking then said she wanted space. At this point I was heartbroken because everything flipped all of a sudden. She was not returning my texts. She stated obviously I dont understand what space means. I called her she answered and I completely told her how much I loved her and couldn’t see her not in my life going forward. I was crying and very emotional. Anyways a few days passed where the same thing she wasn’t communicating with me. I would send a text per night- tried not to over do it but I had so many questions and just didn’t understand. Then Saturday I texted that I will be in town and wanted to do dinner. 3 hours later she texted me back she could probably do that. Well I show up for to her house with flowers and a bottle of wine. She is in a pist off mood. We start talking and she explains she wants to break up. She stated she really cares about me but just doesnt have the feelings she used to have. She stated she really tried to make things work again but things are just not working for her. Of course were both crying- I’m crying more as I couldn’t imagine walking out of that house and not returning ever again. I was very emotional and basically begged(which I obviously regret now). Then I left. Next day (we work together- different offices) we communicated through our chat system- just chit chat- She doesnt respond when mentioning anything about our relationship. Later that night I called her- she actually answered(I think she was being nice) we talked for 45 minutes- nothing about the decision or relationship. Then next day at work again I realized things are pretty much done because she was being very short with me. Then I asked her even if were broken up we can still be friends. To sum it up she said yes. I said “I have obviously been thinking alot the last few days…I enjoyed the time I spent with you- I obviously learned tons and its pretty clear I care about you a lot. But I just wanted to say even know were not together I’ll still always be there for you and if you ever needed anything don’t hesitate to get a hold of me. I consider you to be one of my better friends and I want to keep it that way”. She said “I feel the same way and would like it to stay that way I just hope you understand why I had to do what I did… its not because I don’t care about you because I do and that’s why i did it because its not fair to drag someone along for months/years whatever the case may be if you don’t have the same feelings…. you just can’t force something you don’t feel and that’s really what it comes down to… its not about me not caring about you because i really do care about you more than you know” Then I said “I understand your decision. I really do want both of us to be happy and if you feel that your decision is a right step to that direction for you I’m ok with it. I’ll be ok- yeah its tuff to think about it but I can move on”. No contact sense then which is 3 days now. Im extremely depressed but trying my best to not contact her as its my only hope. I’m hoping she will start missing me and want to talk. Any advice or plan. How long should I let the no contact thing go on. I was thinking of asking her to hang out in a few weeks- just as friends. Of course I’m going to act confident and not act pathetic as I already have acted prior. Any help would be great.


  10. mike says:

    can i email you privately? id rather not have my stuff in the open. but desperately need advice 

  11. Rami says:

    Hello, Everything has start when she went to another school that has assholes in it and i moved to another country to get in collage, everything was great in the binging but after a mouth she became careless and stop calling me unless i do, then she starts to have many guys as a friend (that what she said) around her and, after that she asked for a space and i gave her 3 weeks but i couldn’t handle it after that so i asked she to get back cus i miss her (by the way we have been together for 8 years), and she starts smoking (and she knows that i hate smoking) as she said its for relieve the exams stress, and she started to send pics of her and a guy (and saying look he’s my best friend), its been almost 8 months since all these has start and i have no idea how to deal with her ,she became a new person.

    Note1: we have been in long distance relationship for the last 2 years and she had no problem with that, and even we starts collect money to get marred after 2 years.
    note2: i used to be an asshole when we where at school and i have cheated on her once :S cus i was fucken stupid and she forgave me.
    note3: last week she lost her phone and when he got a new one the first thing he asked for is “do u still have my pic and my best friend please send them to me if u do) and i did :SS

    sorry for the weak English its not my first language.
    please tell me what shall i do and how am i going to get her back.
    Thank you

    • Dear Rami,

      Long distance relationships are hard, and the first thing you need to adjust to is the fact that the average length of time a long distance relationship lasts is 4.5 months. Although this is not a positive thing to tell you, keep this in the back of your mind at all times.

      If you really want her to respect your wishes than you need to tell her so. I know this sounds very simple, but you need to pay attention to many key factors in order for this technique to work: (1) Remain calm at all times, (2) Tell her the behavior that you do not like.

      Example: I do not like the way our relationship has changed. I have felt distant lately, because of x, y, and z. (x,y,z are simple variables representing your reasoning)

      (3) (What to do if (2) is not going well) If she starts to get angry with you for any reason tell her that this is what you are talking about, and promptly end the discussion. Do not take, Remi, what I call “bullshit”. Your not being a jerk in any way, because if you did that to her she would do the exact same thing! Women are very good at testing men, and that is exactly what is happening here. Good luck.

      , Aidan

  12. Matt says:

    Ok so here is my situation,
    We broke up about 3 weeks ago, to me out of nowhere. 3 days before we were talking laughing. 5 days before I actually spent the night, had a nice bbq, bought her her towel for her vacation the next week and she made her move on me. It wasn’t like I was the one starting the mood, she was. Shit even a week before the breakup she had sex with me, which was all her idea. lol.
    Well when the break up happened, she didn’t talk to me the day before. I texted her, she said she wasn’t mad, but needed to talk, about a lot of stuff. Went over, and she was crying. Told me she got into a show, which i replied was great news. She then proceeded to tell me that she wanted to break up, because it wasn’t fair to me because of time, and we want different things (such as kids). I told her not to worry about it and we could always somehow make time. She then said that she feels she doesn’t make me happy and then went off on a tangent how I didn’t like her previous show, but she then said I know you had a bad day but still. I then told her well there have been things you haven’t liked, and she said it’s not that i didn’t like it, it’s just i was critiquing it.
    The last time I spoke to her was a week after the breakup, because of a death in the family, and i just sent a condolence text just because i met the person and i felt terrible. She replied thanks and the name she use to call me in the relationship.

    She hasn’t put single on fb, just left it empty, hasn’t blocked me, deleted me on anything. Likes all my friends/bands posts but of course not mine.

    We have been going out for almost 3 years, I’ve known her for 6, what advice do you have?

  13. qwerty1234 says:

    Hi, Me and my girlfriend were in a long distance relationship for 16 months now and we broke up around a month ago. She was my high school friend and was 2 years below my year, we met after i graduated from high school in those alumni events. I used around a year to get her, but our communication was purely based on online chat systems like facebook messaging and whatsapp. We started our relationship last year on valentines day. During that time we were both studying away from our home country, however in different places. We did not see each other until we were 4 months into our relationship. Since we were in a different education system, we were only together in the same place for 4 months out of the 16 months that we were in a relationship. Things go along well during the past 15 months. However, it was until the recent month that we had more and more problems. I always had a bad temper and had promised her not to be so angry and “ragey” when something bad happens, however i failed to do so. Each time when she does something that upsets me, i just go bad temper, say nasty things, and go upset towards her. She then becomes upset because of my temper, then I comfort her and say I’m sorry I wont do it again, I promise, and she becomes happy the next day again. But this is the major problem. Everytime she does something that gets me upset (eg. going out and being drunk, going home very late with a few guy friends, breaking her promsies etc.), I just have put on my bad tempered face and attitude towards her, and I comfort her everytime while promising her that I wont do it ever again. The problem is that she keeps doing things that make me feel upset (But i never told her that I was, instead i put up a bad tempered face), and I keep raging, I promise her everytime, problem solved. From her perspective, i keep on breaking my promises. But from my perspective, my problems were never solved, and each time I have to comfort you cuz you would feel upset when I put my bad tempered face.

    Until once, last month, we had a really big fight. And i suggested us breaking up (But that was just wanting to get her attention and tell her how upset I was because she always went out so late with these guy friends and drank and was telling me how successful they were and all that). I guess I got jealous, and now I know I should have never said that.. At first I thought she’d say No to the breakup, but after a while, she suddenly said yes to the breakup. This fight of ours was on skype. I begged for her to change her mind however it was too late. Her looks were very calm and she looked very determined and insisted the breakup. I know it was no use begging anymore so we agreed to hang up. I felt like it was the end of the World. The first 6 days we kept communication by whatsapp, but I felt like she didnt talk to me the way we used to, so I gave up talking to her. Three days later, she suddenly talked to me, and sent me a photo of her friend’s room saying how messy it was. I was shocked at that moment because I never thought that she would actually initiate a conversation with me. So i replied very cooly, but I was thinking would that be a chance for us to get back together. But the conversation just ended pretty chill. The next day, i asked her if she would wanna talk about our relationship on skype, and surprisingly she agreed. I was so shocked that she said yes, so I spit out everything I could, like during these 3 days that I didnt talk to you, I reflected on what our problem was, and what I did wrong that I should’ve done better, that I was too attached to her and did not respect her during times. It was more of a one-way talk. At first she was in front of the webcam, but when it got to the end, she just laid on her bed and disappared from the screen, even though she was there. At that point, I know there wasnt any chance. I said my last few words that I said I am really sorry and could you give me a chance to prove to you that I will change for you nonetheless. However her answer was always a No. My heart shattered into peices that night. However I did not give up, I made a hand made card with our photos and some of my last words to her. (Our happy memories shared to our recent problems, to how Im sorry and how I will change to make ur happier).

    She got the card when she was back in our home country. However we did not talk about the card at all. She did not mention about it, except one thing I know was that she told her friends that she received an essay from me (i dont know what her friends actually told her what to do though). Anyway, the most disastrous thing happened last friday. We had a group gathering with some mutual friends, they all knew about us breaking up but we never announced it in the group so they just pretended normal. However, when I saw her, I felt so bad, and had a really really heavy heart. I never felt that way, it was so heavy that I could barely breathe properly. Then we went drinking and more people joined afterwards. It felt a little better, but after a few bottles of beer, i became very depressed. I felt like I didnt know her at all. I felt like I had never seen her at all, or I had never met her at all. She was like a stranger to me. So all these negative emotions bursted out in my heart and mind. And i decided to leave early. But when I got home, and when she got home. I recovered a little and decided to call her. She picked up, and I told her that I want to talk about what was wrong with the relationship. She said she wanted more space and time to meet with more friends and didndt want to report to someone when she was out late. I accepted that I was a little over controlling at the end of our relationship because I’d just put up that temper whenever she went out late or broke some of her promises that she made. It made her feel very sick of it. I had all my questions answered during that phone call including how she felt towards the card. She said she felt it was nothing. My heart was shattered again. Sigh… Anyway, she said she wanted us to be friends in our previous whatsapp conversation, we never really stopped our communication since 3 days ago. However in the phone call, I told her that I could not stand it when I see her, I told her that we cannot be friends, but you could still ask our group to hang out and come out for volleyball sessions, however I would not attend. Then I wished her goodluck in the future and she said goodnight for the very first time in this past month.

    We have not contacted each other for 3days now, Im telling myself to move on, and become the person I was that attracted her. She is the woman of my dreams, so I dont wanna give up. And I began to search for methods on the No Contact Rule. Is it too late to do it now cuz we’ve been contacting each other for the past month. Or would the NC still work now? I’m telling myself to move on but deep down my heart, i’m still hoping she would come back. Please help. Sorry for the long read.

  14. Jay says:

    Me and my ex were high school sweet hearts we’ve been dating since grade 10 and longer after high school for almost 7 years. 3 or 4 years ago I broke up with her she tried to work things out but I decided that I didn’t want to continue the relationship with her because of the fact that we were arguing a lot more and breaking up and getting back together, I just got sick and annoyed of it so I told my self it’s time to let go of her and see what else is out there so I went on vacation when I came back and realized she moved on after a month or so after the break up I felt like i made a mistake and wanted her back but she didn’t want to work things out, so I did the nc rule and she came back So i took her back but than the relationship was like a tennis game with no love in the court back and forth she would stay for a couple of months than, than she would go back to the other guy just for vengeance towards me comparing my flaws to the other guy putting me down just a different person from who I first met. Than again after almost 2 years of this she messages me saying she wants me back your the only one for me I want your kid I can never feel for no one else what I feel for you so once again we got back but this time I was being a bit of a prick because of what she had done to me so we dated for about 5 months she ended up going on vacation and we were on a bit of an arugment. After 2 weeks into her vacation I get a text from some weird number saying hey how was last night but I never went out that night so it couldn’t be me I thought oh wrong number but my instinct told me to play with it so i did and ended up she gave some guy that she was grinding with my number instead of hers when I confronted her win this she told me yeah she did but nothing else happened I know of this becouse I was pretending I was her when I was texting the guy and he also said the same think because he thought he was talking to her the whole time but it was me lol after that day we stopped talking I msg her when she got back and she was acting like it was my fault acting rude and stupid but we still ended up talking and messaging each other for 11 months and now I finally told her to disappear from my life because she bringing nothin but bad news 2 or 3 weeks later her friend tells me that she’s talking to some other but that she doesn’t think he’s attractive and told him that she just wants to be friends but have gone to the states,dinners,games. She also said that he’s a nice guy and has something going for him self. Ps but still wears my ring that I gave her And I wanted to ask also if I should wish her A happy birthday witch is almost here

  15. A.C says:

    Hey first off i really hope you still reply back to people because i really need help from you guys cause your answers are quiet helpful for others so basically i’m in long distance relationship for 2 years now in a month it will be for 3 freaking years i haven’t seen her yet we kind of live in the same country our country is quiet small but the problem is i have a lot of family problems i can’t see her i have to babysit my little sister almost everyday my mom have work and she’s the only one who could take me to places and sometimes she really can’t it’s really hard i always tell her i’m 17 i can go on my own but she never accepted cause she’s scared to meet people i met on the internet however i keep trying to convince my mom about is and she’s still refusing but she really loves my ex because she knew she made me happy at some point where i was facing depression back in a year so everything was alright with my girl until i had huge fight with her friends i really hate all her friends like it’s so crazy i hate them for different reasons and i’m sure of my reasons but since that day we fight almost everyday my girl messed up alot in the past but i forgive her cause she’s not bad she’s such a sweetheart she’s a not a player and she’s totally worth it but we keep fighting sometimes for really silly things but from 2 days she went out with guy like hanging out together not a date and he doesn’t really like her and she doesn’t like him either they kind of went out with bunch of other friends so nothing serious but i made a big deal out of it i told her please i’m begging don’t go out with him because i’m a little jealous and i’m unsecure i feel like everyone can replace me easily and i’m always everyone second option the fact that she didn’t listen to me she refused to cancel it then i start thinking like what the hell i lost all my friends for the sake of her happiness but the “little things” she doesn’t even does them it’s like everyone’s happiness matter to her more than my own happiness i really feel like crap and the fact the guy talked to me from her phone it seems like she’s doing it on purpose or something like that it really did annoy me i wasn’t jealous from the guy i was scared being forgotten or she might find someone way better than me and fall for him i lost someone i tended to keep for so long the next day she didn’t talk to me like nothing she didn’t even say a word she didn’t help me out when i was about to commit suicide this day she claims she didn’t know that i believe her somehow but she knew i was sad and she didn’t do anything about it so she told me she wanna be “just friends” because i hurted her and i messed up because i made a big deal outta nothing outta something silly “according to her it’s silly” but i’ve begged her i told her how much she means to me i told her why i did such thing she told me it’s enough and it’s too much and i over react over everything she seemed just fine with the idea of the long distance realtionship thing but then she told me “yeah i can’t be with you our realtionship cant be based on here” i died begging to give me a chance i felt so weak and such an idiot because she seemed just fine without me she seemed happy while i was dying on the inside somehow she’s blaming it on me well that’s girls mrs rights all the time i feel crap and wrong chasing her and the fact she doesn’t want me is so sad because i honestly love her so much i can’t even imagine my life without her i also explained that to her and she come up with different excuses i really need to get her back in any way and the whole seeing thing won’t really take a long but the longer it is the smaller my chances will get to get her back i just want her to be mine my chances are little she said she still in love with me but she needed a break i really need advices and help please help me out i’m dying and thank you (:

  16. Broken Heart says:

    Hi, I was with a girl for 2 years. I love her and she adores me. But there has been a few things she has lied about over the past 2 years which has made me not trust her. One time she was speaking to another guy while I was away working and I came home and found she had deleted it. I asked her and she denied it and lied about the whole thing. We just got back from an oversea trip about 6 months ago which things were not that great, I came home and told myself I don’t want to be with a girl like her. So I told her that I didnt love her anymore. For 2 months she stuck around and was doing nice things for me and I was basically just using her. Then I stopped talking to her for 1 week and in that time I realized how much she actually does mean to me, and that every girl has faults. You just have to learn to accept them I guess. I called her up and asked if we could meet up and go over everything, thinking she would say yes. But in that week she must have gotten real mad and let go of some of her feelings. I have now been chasing her for 3 months and everytime I think it’s going to work she just about says yes she turns and says she is not ready.. She is the most stuborn girl I know. And she is speaking to other guys and loves attention. I just need some help because this girl means the world to me but I feel she is not attracted to me anymore. I know she loves me, I just feel she has given up and thinks its easyier to just move on to the next person. We have not spoken in 5 days because every time we do I keep pushing her further ad further away. Do you think I still have a chance, or would I be best letting this go. I honestly would do anything for this girl, I feel she has just got a bit of growing up to do. She is 19 turning 20 in a few months and I am 22. Would really appreciate your help. Thankyou.

    • ********Warning: You will not like what I say to you. Deal with it. ******

      Stop being a fucking pussy. Man up. Your telling me you have wasted 3 months of your life on some chick which you don’t even know was worth it in the first place? I mean c’mon. If you wasted that much time, and you didn’t even get her back was it worth it? What have I said in my guids? MOVE ON. The best way to get your girlfriend back is to move on. She is not worth your time if she is going to play games.

      ” I Can not explain the phenomena to you, but you can witness it if you pay attention. – Aidan “

    • Damien says:

      Jesus Christ dude. this woman is poison to you. Find someone worth your attention. She’s loving every minute of yours

  17. drinkycrow says:

    Hello, sorry this may be a tad long.

    Im kinda unsure how to go about this but im gonna give it my best.

    My Ex of a year and a half broke up with me last year around Aug after we had had an incredible night the night before and nothing seemed wrong. I was actually feeling on this day like i wanted to give her more.. take further steps. Hadnt told her yet. I was literally about to start a new job that next day. Not a lot of reason except for that she hadnt been happy as of late. We dont talk at all.. no contact nothing until October comes around. I reach out and I see how shes doing. Explain i wanted closure.. We kinda talked and we even go out for Halloween. Then out of the blue she drops me.. like a cold fish.
    No response then sometime in late November we finally have a discussion via “text” talking about how we felt. I poured my heart and soul into telling her how much she meant to me.. it seems like it took the life of her to be blunt and finally at the end say “she didnt want to be with me.”
    I accepted that. Gave my farewell and that was that. The next night i receive a text from an unknown number saying its her BF and that i should never talk to her again if I know whats good for me.. I dont respond. Hand my friend my phone and go for a few laps around the block, which he later joins me for.
    Its done.. im thinking. Never going to see her again… this is where i change. I cut my hair, and by new duds. One week goes by and i receive another text asking if im awake.. its her. I remembered the number.
    From then we kinda talked on and off and started hanging out in the weeks ahead leading into Feb. Valentines day has come around and we had been getting intimate again as of late January.
    I give her a great gift, which she loves, a few days before to cheer her up. When Valentines day comes around we’re texting and she seems.. weird. Not good over text. Shes making me feel the way i did when she was texting me back in November., Im hurt.
    She later asks me to come over.. I come over. “Drops of Jupiter” playing in the background and she asks me to think of it as a romantic gesture.
    Im still seeing red from earlier in the day and keep my mouth shut so as not to say something hurtful. We start to talking.. and she says I love you.
    And out of all the conversation all i could say was.. “I love you too” and “I dont know”.
    She asked me to go and i leave when she does..
    In the later days I explained to her.. All i wanted was that I wanted some time to be able to recover my energy. My emotions.
    March comes around and we’re still remaining intimate. And im feeling it again. Im coming to. Im feeling all the trust again.. I was Feeling i could trust her again. Be vulnerable. We werent officially back together yet becaus of what had happened valentines day. But i felt we were getting close. We had even been intimate again several times in the last couple of days and she even holds me at one point and mentions how much shes attracted to me. Her way of saying.. I love you. ish.
    On easter i try to get her to come out to a family friends gathering and she responds to me with delay.
    I sense somethings weird. The last couple days she had been with her roommate she had been weird. Then she says she cant talk that we’ll talk about it later.
    Later that night around midnight she texts me that she is seeing someone else. I brake down.. call her in tears not knowing whats happening, that i love her. yada yada.
    I think she needs a month or so to breathe then maybe we can talk. A month later she agrees to meeting with me..
    an hour before we’re supposed to meet at her house she texts and calls it off. I immediately turn and go to her house. I calmly walk up the back porch, knock where she and her roommate are in the kitchen and her roommate tells her to go upstairs i hear. The Roommate comes outside and says that i cant see her. That shell try to help the best she can.. (btw RM is a whore who never liked me from the get go). I listen to her bullshit for an hour, drop off one of two letters i had written that says I hope shes happy and that things work out. I love her and With info to reach me if she needs to. Then i got in the car and drove away.

    What happens from here?
    what shes thinking…
    I feel her RM is probably feeding her bad thoughts of me.
    Ive been working out, keeping low. staying occupied. Off of FB talking and seeing other girls but shes still in the back of my thoughts.
    What do i do?
    Do i wait?
    What is she thinking now?

    Thank you for your time.

  18. teamofreally says:

    Hi I read your article and its great and all but it seems to operate under the assumption that if my ex gets lonely they will miss me and will contact me… But my ex i think works a bit differently… She used to talk a bit about her past breakup with her exes.. Her first ex she said she was miserable after the breakup and spent months depressed and creeping his Facebook.. She used to tell me how bad of a breakup it was but she had to dump him cuz she wasn’t happy with him anymore. In any case, she told me her ex asked for her back after a few months and even though she was still miserable, she didn’t wanna get back with him cuz she just hated him at this point… They did no contact for a few months… If I do no contact and follow your thing, I don’t see how its any different than what happened with her prior ex… She seems like the type who is quite strong with her decision making regardless of how much she will emotionally miss the ex… Which in this case is me this time….

  19. tj says:

    I read your article and it seemed great and all but my ex used to tell me her past ex did a similar thing to her in that they did no contact for 2 months and she said she was miserable during that time and creeper his Facebook all the time and he was out having fun with friends and all… She used to tell me this only to tell me how her past breakup had really messed her up cuz she was depressed for like months after… But then she’d always also say that he asked for her back after a few months of no contact and she hated him by that point and didn’t want anything to do with him anymore… So what happened there? I feel like if I follow your guide she’ll just think the same and even if I talk to her after she’ll hate me and want nothing more to do with me… On the other hand we broke up amicably as of right now… If I keep talking to her now I feel she will be OK with talking to me… Maybe this is a different case in that she is the type who sticks well with her decisions regardless of how she feels emotionally? Cuz she certainly did miss her ex as your guide predicted but they also definitely never got back together….

  20. rohit says:

    i am giving the total info..its 3 years 5month relation. from starting of our relationship.we started our relationship from when she was 16 and me 19.we were soo close that both dint even image that we ll be seperated by any reason.i love her un conditonally. problem is that i am pocessive and i restrict her from some of her activites. she was ok for that but when last fight happend between us i gave her a gap of 15 days and called her back she boldly said breakup , i was shocked and done the pleading and requesting stuff. but she jus replied reluctantly . one fine day she told lets get things straight i dont want you to be contact .so i stopped for few days and replied she ignored . i asked to meet her and she met and said its over .we both have to move on..i was shattered.from 3 weeks no contact. i want her badly because i know problems for which she broke up are not a deal to me, i am dammmm surewe ll be happy. i want her back somehow….plzz help

  21. Max says:

    Hello. Ok so I was with my ex gf for two months. We had dated for about a month before we got together. Everything was great! She said she loved me . I was the first guy she had ever said that too.

    So I live here in the US . All this took place in Canada where my grandparents live. I came back to continue my study. We decided on doing a long distance relationship. Everything was great . We Skype , fb messaged every day. Then like 3 weeks into our long distance phase she began to become more distant. We stopped skyping and said I love way less.
    So on our 2 month anniversary we decided we would skype. She was making these excuses why she couldn’t so I called her out and said if she didn’t want to talk to me to just tell me

    She then tells me that she thinks we went to fast and that we should wait a little. That she still loves me but her feelings for me changed. That she wanted to be alone for right now. I kept asking her what had happend bt she said she didn’t know . Her feelings just changed. Let me note that all this was done through messages. I asked if we could discuss this through skype bt she said no. She had thought it through and made up her mind. I was completely heartbroken .

    I have decided to implement the NC rule and it’s been 2 1/2 weeks since the breakup. I’m just wondering will she contact me. Or should I contact her. But I don’t want to seem needy. I really do want her back and I’m hoping she contacts me but the thing is she is stubborn and prideful, I’m not sure if she’ll contact me first. Please help. Thank you for your time

  22. David says:

    Ok the reason my gf left and just wanted to remain friends was because the way I treated her. I didn’t ever tell her she was my gf so she thought we were just “friends”. So one day I wanted to go out and made other plans because she nvr contacted me that day cause she was working. So two days later she didn’t want to go somewhere with me because she wanted to relax cause she was going on a dinner date that night. She said she has feelings and stuff. I told her that I want her as a gf or nothing at all. And if she chooses to go with this other guy that I would need space.. ive been no contact for 2weeks and she hasnt text me or anything. Her BirthDAy passed and I didnt tell her happy bday. So a little more guidance would be appreciated. Thanks

  23. John says:

    Ok so my ex girl friend broke up with me 2-3weeks ago, we were in a long distance relationship and seen each other 6 times. We been together for 7 months and everything was going perfect until she said she can’t do the distance any more, now I feel like there’s this guy hitting on her and trying to be her new boy friend and I can’t see her with another guy it’ll just tear me apart. I been on the no contact rule for 12 days but I don’t know what else to do to win her back, please if any one knows how they can help me out please tell me… I don’t want lose her for good love is worth fighting for no matter the distance

  24. John says:

    Ok so my ex girl friend broke up with me 2-3weeks ago, we were in a long distance relationship and seen each other 6 times. We been together for 7 months and everything was going perfect until she said she can’t do the distance any more, now I feel like there’s this guy hitting on her and trying to be her new boy friend and I can’t see her with another guy it’ll just tear me apart. I been on the no contact rule for 12 days but I don’t know what else to do to win her back, please if any one knows how they can help me out please tell me… I don’t want lose her for good love is worth fighting for no matter the distance I just want my girl friend back

  25. john says:

    Hello i was in a long distance relationship for 7 months, we met each other 7 times already and in October she broke up with me because she couldn’t do the distance. we had a lot in common and were always there for each other, I never had a relationship like that at all before and really want her back. I have been doing the no contact rule for at least 30 days and I also sent her the seed letter telling her I was ok with break up and everything and telling her the possitives that were now happening to me. but still I miss her and need her, she has feelings for another guy now, but the other guy doesn’t have feelings for her. what can I do? because if I contact her and tell her I that im the one for her and all that, it’ll probably just push her more away. please help what can I do to win her back?

  26. wolf says:

    My girlfriend and I broke up a few days ago, i foned her a few hours later explaining that it was a bad move(that too being a bad move) then didn’t speak to her again for 2 days, after which i phoned her again saying we could make this work and that i wanted her back (again bad move) and her reply was that maybe we should see other people and she needs some space, fair enough i haven’t spoken to her since, and don’t plan on doing so for awhile (nocontactrule) i deleted my fb profile but still have her on bbm (no contact tho) my question is how long do i wait and also are my bad moves of contacting her those two times after the breakup putting me at a serious disadvantage? also since Christmas is coming up im fairly sure she will contact me for seasons greetings, do i respond or just don’t read? and lastly what about status updates? appreciate the help

    • No contact rule begins now. The rule does not mean that you cannot reply if she contacts you. You are just not allowed to ever contact to her, until about a month month and a half depending on how bad the breakup was. If she texts you or whatever let her lead the conversation, and then say that you have to go for some reason. Be there first to say goodbye for any reason at all. Continue no contact and she will surely contact you again after Christmas. I promise. She will likely ask to hangout in a week or two and you will have her back. Play your cards right. Read up on some of my blog posts- there is a lot of good stuff to be discovered, but you have to discover it yourself.

      • wolf says:

        thank you so much really appreciate the help, with the facebook thing tho, should I reactivate it and remove her pictures, and change relationship status to single(change privacy settings tho) or just leave it deactivated? this may be irrelevant but immediately after the breakup she deactivated her account

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